The Shopping Cart Lesson

Kids are, without doubt, the best negotiators in the world. They know exactly what they want, they are utterly determined to get it, and they have all the time in the world. They quickly learn our weaknesses and use every tool in their arsenal — charm, persistence, and, if necessary, full-scale disruption. As parents, we sometimes give in. Other times we say no, which can rapidly escalate into tears and chaos. When children don’t get their way, they make sure everyone around them feels uncomfortable. In their world, they are the most important person, and that is their strongest negotiating position.

Today I experienced a perfect example. Mario and I went shopping together. At the trolley bay he spotted the miniature children’s version and decided that was the one he wanted. I tried gently explaining that it might be too small for our groceries, but he was adamant. This one or none. He stood his ground, refusing to move. My options were limited: take the adult trolley and face a meltdown, struggle with the tiny one, or abandon the shop altogether. In the end, I gave in. Mario proudly pushed his little trolley around the supermarket, beaming with satisfaction. It quickly overflowed, my hands were full, but he was over the moon. At the checkout he helped me unload, looking around happily as if to say, “This is my trolley.” When we got to the car and he carefully packed the bags, his joy was obvious.

Watching him, I realised it had been the right decision. He had negotiated, he had won, and he felt capable and proud. Of course we can’t always let them have their way, but in many situations it’s valuable to give children the chance to experience success through negotiation. After all, in life you rarely get what you deserve — you get what you negotiate. What about you? Do you sometimes let your little ones win the negotiation?